Am I Still Normal?
Is this how people with depression start feeling depressed as they start to question if they are normal?
8/12/20242 min read
Or maybe I'm just depressed. Very little surprises me nowadays and I feel genuine happiness just looking at my dog and cats. I feel like I will not be able to hold a conversation without being labeled as weird.
It's like I'm floating in a vast ocean and all I see is the water and it's very dark for it's night time. It's so cold but only on my face, for my body is covered by the water. I am facing up, floating, my body moves in accord with the movement of the waves.
I gazed heavenward. Dark clouds roll by dragged by the soft breeze. Occasionally, I can see the moon, sometimes I can see some stars. I am alone. I am literally alone. I feel alone.
I am still looking up. I saw a very bright star, and others dim but they still twinkle in this very dark night sky. Then I wondered, do each of them tell a story to each other? Do each of them have a story to tell? Do they have a story?
What must it be like to look down from the heavens and see a solitary creature floating in a vast ocean in the darkness of the night? But, do they even think that? Is that creature even worth a wonder in their minds, if they have one?
Then the waves started to get bigger and bigger; but, no wind is ever felt. It's as if the ocean has its own mind and decided to make its waves bigger to disrupt my thinking.
Was that even necessary? Then slowly, ever so slowly, I feel my self drowning, my body plunging deeper into the abyss. Everything is dark. Everything is black. But, I did not resist. I just let myself drown. I let the ocean embrace me. No use struggling now.
I am still gazing heavenward. Is this the end? What is even the end? How did it even start? Or was there even a start? I can still see the stars. The moon is much clearer now. I breathed in. How could this be? It did not hurt. I let things be and it did not hurt. Did I anticipate pain only to be surprised that there is none?
Did I surrender and found myself to be one with everything?
God was with me all the time. He was with the ocean. He was with the stars. He was with the moon. All in all He is in everything. He is everything.