Cynicism and Selfishness

Cynicism and selfishness, in this modern day and age seems to be a common occurrence; and as I grow older, to which I didn't imagine that I'd be capable of having such a kind of mindset, that I'd often find myself almost always disliking people.

Others when they read this might say that it's the normal response of modern day man towards the modern day man.

However, and this may just be me, that my dislike seems to grow every single time that I encounter people, especially in a populated place - malls, most especially.

As I reflect on this the root of my dislike is most likely due to the fact that I can compare humanity to the other created beings of God and realizes that humanity tends to be almost always leaning to the negative spectrum of a created being's behavior.

I look left and right and I see people being inconsiderate of other people and for sure, especially on the eyes of the observer who may be observing me, that I am a part of the inconsiderate bunch, just how in the very same way I pass on judgment how other people are being inconsiderate.

Now, this is where the reality of my actions and my overall judgmental actions may be taking a turn for the worse.

You see cynicism partners itself with selfishness.

I may be being too hard on myself; but, my actions suggest of being a cynic and a selfish person.

Cynicism, according to Google's AI Overview, who is always very helpful when I ask it for help says this - "Cynicism is an attitude of deep distrust toward others' motives, assuming human behavior is driven by self-interest, greed, and insincerity."

Reading this almost felt like I'm being slapped with the very truth of my very own self, especially on the "assuming part".

I had had many experiences, may not be too many, that slowly took on shape, of what I may call the 'reality of the world and how it functions', into something negative.

Take this for example, betrayal by my own uncle. I made him a business partner as a means of helping him out of his quagmire debt, we split the profit of the business 50/50, when he learned that that capital I put up for the business was already break-even, he decided to keep the profit all for himself.

That's one prime example and that is easily understandable.

Slowly, and as I got older, I accrue more experiences. But, since we're talking about cynicism and selfishness, what I meant about 'more experiences' was actually 'experience' that made me, at least in my own ignorance in understanding the term, a cynic.

The selfishness part came about later.

For a long time I always see the bad light of other people. Every good action that people do, I'd always relate it to have always have a hidden agenda, an underlying selfish reason why they do the good action.

That's how it has been for a long time. That's the kind of cynicism I had in my heart. But, also, mind you, that I didn't think of it as cynicism before. I just know that people go about doing good deeds because they're not innately good or that they're doing a good deed for the sake of doing something good.

No! For me, the good deed that was done was mainly due to a hidden intention to always derive something out of it, and again as I shared in the previous paragraph, was due to selfish reasons.

Slowly, this outlook of cynicism I had in my heart was slowly, really ever so slowly taken away. Also, in a very slow manner, I began to see that there's innate goodness in each and every one. Yes, there are still those who do good deeds for selfish reasons; but, for some reason, I am able to distinguish those types of people.

This shift in my outlook wasn't due to me having a sudden urge to be good and see good.

It was by the Grace of God, without whom I can never do anything.

Maybe because God wants to show me that He truly made humankind in His own image and likeness.

The likeness of God is everything good. Thus, all humankind has innate goodness in them. We do good deeds because we are capable of doing something good, because God made us to be good, after His very own likeness.

The more I reflect about my own cynicism before, I more I realize that my cynicism also stemmed from my own pride. Before, I felt like I am high and mighty and above others. That I know more than others and that I am better than others.

This pride, while still very much present, is slowly being eaten away by God's grace, and going to my every day practice of praying the Holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary every single day has made a huge impact, especially in vanquishing my cynicism and my cynic mind and heart.

The intercession of the Blessed Mother has transformed by stony heart, and while still far off, into a heart that's patterned after her son's.